comments please.
MARCH OF THE HIMALYAN BALSAM
From the waters of the Meekong to the waters of the Aled,
from yaks to Frisians,
this `pink peril` marches parallel to the ways of water.
The grubbers ignore this `touch-me-not`
trigger the pop, pop, pop of seed,
knocks the block off its `goblins heads`,
tarnish the jewel.
Glad am I to be in poverty, poor enough to see this `orchid`.
Oh my pretty in pink, pucker your petals,
return to kiss your mountain.
This is quite beautiful Val. I like the way you hint at the plant’s weed like quality in ‘pink peril’ (that’s how I read it). There is a lot packed into the second stanza, though I am a bit uncertain about the 3rd line, wonder if either ‘knock the block off its ‘goblin’s head’ or ‘knock the block off their ‘goblin heads’ might be better. I like the alliteration in the last stanza (though usually I don’t like so much).
stunning Val – I really like the strength of this poem – nothing pretty pansy about it – the idea of the march the force of the flower against the grubbers. I wondered about a different verb in the 3rd line – you’ve got ‘march’ in the title is there another word for persistently making ones way?..Agree with Keith’s thoughts about the third line in the second stanza and ‘pucker your petals’ – gorgeous! Plus – I didn’t know what the Himalayan Balsam was so had to look it up and now I know what the plant is that keeps creeping through my back gate and flowering in the corner of my yard!
Lovely, Val. I agree with Keith and Fiona about ‘knocks the block off’ needing to be singular – and I love the colloquialism of it. I agree with Fiona about ‘march’ too in line 3, it’s perfect in the title.
I am left feeling that the writer like the plant is on a journey – which has an unknown ending – but is enjoying every step of the way.
I love ‘pink peril’. I like the idea that in its native land it is a beauty and I like the image of it ‘kissing the mountain’. Love the pop, pop, pop of seed. I’m a little confused at line 6 and 7. But I like the contrast of language you’ve used i.e. more harsh when describing the plant as an invasive here but then using soft language (‘oh my pretty in pink’) when talking of the plant in its native land. It seems as though the writer can’t decide whether to love it or hate it. I feel a bit the same. I’m sure the bees are glad of it!