“Never keep your tomatoes in the fridge”
my visitors tell me and I wonder,
as I make them tea,
– one weak as dishwater
– one artificially sweetened
do we all display these symptoms
or is it a British condition?

During dinner I am made aware
of a universal intolerance to nutmeg,
there is rampant heartburn in town,
blocked sinuses are inherited.
As for the deadly qualities of kiwi fruit …

I suggest a small break
before we move on to dessert.
Stalling for time I return to the tomatoes
asking “What will happen to them?”

But the conversation has shifted
to the pavement that rose up,
the new car bumpers that get bigger
the closer they get to inanimate objects,
and the annoying fact that days of the week disappear.

As I make them coffee,
– both with cream
– both with biscuits
they discuss macular degeneration
as if it is the new margarine
and I place the tomatoes in the fridge
to stop them going wrinkly.