Moss has grown over tyres
that used to skitter down the lane.
I see her in my minds eye,
each hand a robin’s claw
mouth-wide screams and legs
wide as an eagles stretch.
Grass and hyacinths
stride through the twisted
frame. Flakes of proud
red manifest images
of bubbling lips, surging
with the joy of speed.
Rock bent the front wheel
and broke the patterns
of her dog rose rides. As I draw
close the sweetness of lollipop
and bitterness of blood encrusted
knees rise up with earth.
I remember her. She is
the freshness of crocus. A poet
of moments and essences.
The weight of time has not
settled on her shoulders. She is
as free as the skylark she follows.
Lovely images of the bike as is and the bike as was… A very visual poem… the way you’ve twined the past with the present works extraordinarily well. The ‘flakes of red’ leading to ‘lips’ is lovely… so is the rock breaking the front wheel and ‘the patterns’…
My following comments are made because I like the poem very much and feel it’s almost ready to send off ….
‘knees’ might work better on the same line as ‘blood encrusted’… I tripped there. And ‘and legs’ might be better on the next line’…
I’m not sure the birds work quite as well as the flowers…. pedant alert… a robin’s claw is very small and an eagle’s stretch is very large. A skylark lifts straight up and down…
‘skitter’… does a bicycle skitter?
‘weight of time’ might be verging on cliche.
‘as free as’ … here I’m quoting from Penny Shuttle who always picks up on two ‘as’es… one would suffice: ‘She is / free as…”
They’re pretty minor points… perhaps you don’t need robin at all which would solve the eagle problem: “each hand a claw,”
Erm… regarding ‘skylark and ‘free as’ and ‘weight of time’ – it might be worth considering whether the poem would be stronger ending on ‘crocus’.
hey – I am not going to take on anything that Robbie has said as she is much more qualified than me – but I guess I would ask is she a robin or an eagle? It is like when you see a blue tit hanging upside down and you think how the hell does he support his body weight with those tiny little feet so the image of the robin’s claws worked well for me. I had to look up skitter in the dictionary and I am still none the wiser. It does sound nice though doesn’t it. I always like the way you use colour in your poetry I think it is one of your hallmarks (can you have one of those in poetry?) – and as Robbie says this is very visual and very colourful. Super duper.
A great concept, carried out well but perhaps a little too much piled in!