Blissful Hill, Lovely Hollow
English translations
of my house and lane
are worth a time reversal –
hence my Singer chuntering
in the oil-lamp’s light
until knees and curiosity
are ready to treadle
backwards,
back past
my wedding,
back past my birthing,
back to my mother
and the twinkle
she caught
in some fellow’s eye
translated, I hope,
from bliss and love.
Drop the first three lines?! ‘My Singer….’ or at least omit L3. The ending would have more impact if the preceding list
was more concrete before taking off into the twinkle.
Yes… needs a re-work… they’re piling up in the ‘leave-it-alone-for-a-few-days’ drawer. But I love working like that!
I love the idea of the sewing machine running backwards. the title conveys such a sense of warmth.
Great use of the words treadle and chuntering. Of course treadling back in time – so apt.
I think I would be lost if you didn’t include the explanation of the name of your house – I wonder if we are a bit too keen sometimes to hack things to an inch of their meaning – your poems are already condensed Robbie – have you thought of expanding them?????? GULP!