Hi folks, I wonder if any one would be kind enough to give a little feedback on this. Also I really don’t know if blue tits feather should have an apostrophe.
Blue
sank down through
stain glass and set up his guitar.
His fingers trembled over first notes
but a slap of fierce rhythm
turned heads as he settled into himself.
The hairs on the backs of their necks
rose when he sang.
It was a voice that tunnelled.
He chanted, sotto voce,
with a lost sea voice that told
of blue-green pools,
gannet pulsing seas
and a coracle spiralling
into unruffled space.
And then there was lightness.
His fingers brushed
brass wound strings
that rang like harebells.
It brought the oxygen thin air
of a mountain retreat.
Poised now he parachuted down
on a blue tits feather
to land on slate warmed
by a throw of cornflower petals.
He crooned to the old bones
that lay beneath and there
was resonance. Melodies in
counterpoint wove in and out
Of hoary oak beams and we
cried for the beauty of it.
I like the way that colour appears in your poetry. I like the images which tumble into each other just like thoughts tumble through my head. And now I am going to do a Robbie … do you need the first 7-8 lines? If the feather belonged to one blue tit then it would be blue tit’s feather – cover the apostrophe s with your finger and it is the feather of the blue tit – and somebody please correct me if I am wrong (as I am wrong a lot of the time). Once had to do an exercise where we weren’t allowed to mention the colour – which was fun and a challenge – you do it well with the cornflower petals, etc. I would put sotto voce in italics but somebody else might not. Oh and if he comes to play somewhere nearby – please let me know …
Thanks a lot Sarah, that’s really helpful.