Foursome
Two plus two. All four of them
for many years the best of friends.
Often holidayed together.
This small Greek island
their favourite destination.
This former sea captain’s mansion
their favourite hotel.
Breakfast in the sunlit courtyard,
clip-clop of donkeys from over
the bougainvillea-drenched wall.
Stroll down to the harbour
for coffee on the quayside
amidst the comings and goings
of fishing boats, yachts and ferries.
Hop onto a water taxi, roar off
through flashing sea and spray
for a day down the coast
in one of the rocky coves.
Or climb steep brown slopes
to the top of the island, where
the view from the monastery
stretches to infinity.
Dinner each warm violet evening
lingered over in a candle-lit taverna.
Table for two this year,
each pair reduced to one.
The survivors repaired together,
but the others still a presence
round the table, around the island.
Lovely descriptions of the island, the sights and sounds.
Ahem. Is stanza 2 where the poem really starts? The title covers stanza 1.
Lovely, but Robbie’s right (as usual) : drop S1!
I concur – Breakfast in the sunlit courtyard- would be a lovely beginning.
you have a very unusual tone when you write Jonathan – and I guess it is just how you speak – and I have been trying to work it out – I think this poem explains what you do – that second stanza is your poetic voice using verbs which are neither in the past nor the present nor the future and you don’t say he or she or they – you omit the article and the tense – and that is a big part (perhaps) why Robbie has suggested starting here – the last stanza is a lot softer and narrative because you have used tense and article and makes a contrast with the middle stanza – and I could be talking total twaddle here so always seek a second opinion before starting the medication! My only reservation is the title as I thought it was a bit “sexy” and it isn’t necessary – love the bourg – (however you spell it)- drenched wall.
A perfect example of the value of our internet workshop – the benefit of a team of editors!
It might never have occurred to me that S1 is unnecessary.