love lies
across the sea
in apricot light
water freezes
a v of geese pass
i stretch out my arms
to follow
ice sings
fading light
winks through me
i am empty
white out
siberian gusts
shatter bones
i am blown
between the lapp Gate
sun circles
and rises
over the rim
fingers tingle
shadows rise
out of darkness
and point
i thaw
here
I like the two voices very much. The three line stanzas can be read individually, as can the single lines. And, of course, all together.
I know this is very raw and new and perhaps making detailed comments is unfair. Should I let that stop me? Ah well…
I think there are a couple of places where words don’t quite fit the three readings:
between the lapp Gate / fingers tingle / i thaw
and I wondered if you could omit ‘fingers tingle’ then make ‘shadows rise’ the italicised line. A rearrangement of the following lines could read:
shadows rise
out of darkness
I point
and thaw
Of course, this totally alters the meaning so I’ll just go away now. But before I go I must say – lovely poem!!
On second thoughts I’m probably talking nonsense… I just like the shadows rising out of darkness…
I just drifted away on this one, Di. Lovely! Perhaps, at the end: ‘and I point//here’ (?)
Some great images here Di, but for me there is a disconnect between the title and poem if you include the ‘ice’ voice (and possibly the stanza on Siberian gusts).