An honest face it shines
its pockmarks waterless
seas struck dumb its
monthly veil hides
shyness love excites
the baying world while
never turning back
to mother earth.
Moon
One Response
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
An honest face it shines
its pockmarks waterless
seas struck dumb its
monthly veil hides
shyness love excites
the baying world while
never turning back
to mother earth.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Not sure the lack of punctuation is helping… or maybe the line endings need tweaking. I found it difficult to get a sense of what’s happening on first reading. I like the idea of ‘monthly veil’ and ‘baying’ and ‘mother earth’… but, as I said, different line endings would make the meaning clearer. Not that there’s anything wrong with having to read a poem several times but, especially in a short poem, the reader needs to be drawn in immediately and the syntax in lines 2 & 3 made me stumble…