Potholing

okay – perhaps doesn’t quite fit the prompt although it started off simple + I have played around with that mirror idea thingy we were talking about on Monday night at the stanza which is a lot of fun and I haven’t done 40 odd drafts and it hasn’t taken me 5 years – although the potholing was over 25 years ago so hope that counts for something!

“WATER!”
he shouted
our guide at the front
moling through the dark
been here before and loving every step

“Water” muttered the line of followers
like an echo from a full steam ahead
to a whisper shaded in suspicion

from a shade of suspicion to a whisper
to a full steam ahead
the line of followers echoed
our guide at the front
every step
moling through the puddles of darkness

5 thoughts on “Potholing

  1. Fiona Lesley

    Blimey well done and reminds me why i’ve never wanted to go potholing! I think the middle verse is superb. I love that full steam to echo shaded in suspicion – it really conveys the way a line of people pass a message on. I certainly think repetition and maybe the mirroring thing is good for the content. I think keeping the last line exactly as the previous ‘moving through dark’ might make a stronger ending. clever stuff and I think when you recall something from years gone by for the purposes of a poem it definitely counts!

  2. Robbie Burton

    Fab poem, Sarah. I agree with Fiona about ‘moling through the dark’ being stronger than the current last line, it struck me as a ‘wow’ in the first stanza and is well worth repeating.

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