Redolent

This is not in response to the brilliant April prompt which I will endeavour to have a go at, but is an attempt at a mirror poem, prompted by the great conversation at Monday’s meeting. (i wasn’t sure where to post it)

Redolent

We are more present
when we go
revealed now in the same etched way as
more than all the bright days of May could ever show;
the ferny-feathered leaves,
the cups of corolla-cradled blossom,
the buoyancy of branch.
So I come to know my neighbour’s laburnum tree
shadowed against white-washed walls
caught in the orange-street lamp
when dusk falls in the alley.

When dusk falls in the alley,
caught in the orange street-lamp,
shadowed against white-washed walls
so i come to know my neighbours laburnum tree.
The buoyancy of branch,
The cups of corolla-cradled blossom,
the ferny-feathered leaves,
more than all the bright days of May could ever show
revealed now in the same etched way as
when we go
we are more present.

5 thoughts on “Redolent

  1. Jonathan Mayman

    I’m amazed – it works so well and you haven’t taken 5 years over it! ( A few capital\lower case adjustments and a missing apostrophe required).

  2. Sarah Dolan

    congratulations – it works for you – and this is possibly a way of writing – then mirroring – and then deciding if the first stanza or the second stanza would make a poem on its own … thanks Martin for the example on Monday evening – and thanks Fiona for sharing – redolent is such a great word (I had to look it up) – thank you

  3. Gill McEvoy

    Just a wee thing for what is a good poem – try leaving out the ‘so’ in the second stanza. You don’t have to repeat all the words in a mirror poem. Is Redolent the right word for the title – it’s usually associated with smell?
    A fine poem nonetheless!

  4. Sarah Lewis

    Looks (and sounds) like I missed a good session on Monday. Very clever to attempt a mirror poem. Like the other Sarah, I too had to look up Redolent. Good word, though as Gill says, may not be the right title for this poem as you didn’t mention smells? I agree about the ‘so’ word. The second stanza (without the ‘so’ ) makes a great stand alone poem. You’ve inspired me to give this a go….nice one Fiona.

  5. Robbie Burton

    Super mirror poem. I agree with Gill too about losing ‘so’ in the second stanza. Not so sure about losing ‘Redolent’ – it works well in its ‘reminiscent of, suggestive of’ meaning. Sarah L has a point about the second stanza working well as a stand-alone, but it works really well as it is. Which stanza did you write first?

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