Something extraordinary
happened somewhere today.
. I wasn’t there
being struck by a faint line
of orange on the eastern horizon.
It transformed millstone grit
into something more solid
than sky and behind me
on the mountain, electro-plated
dead bracken with copper.
. That’s what
it might have appeared to be
to someone more fanciful
than me.
I like the use of the space. It creates the feeling of emptiness and a sense of missing out on something. I’m not sure if that’s what you intended.
I had to look up the word “fanciful” just to check. I wonder if it is a British thing to get carried away with enthusiasm and then apologise for it? This says so much about the poet. Your use of “masculine” language, as you call it Robbie eg electro-plated has a powerful effect and is a lovely contrast to the frilly second stanza. This definitely worked for me on more than one level and got me thinking about the language we use and the language we never consider using with regard to a subject. Super duper.