in here each of us is waiting
waiting for the next delivery of laundry
to arrive
wrapped in plastic
neatly folded
lightly scented
looks as if it has never been used before
waiting for the next visitor
to arrive
with pots in plants
wrapped in plastic
carefully chosen
lightly scented
just about to flower
in here each of us is neatly folded
lightly scented
waiting to be wrapped in plastic
Hi Sarah – thanks so much for your comments on mine.
I think this one of yours has real vitality of style, and that final line really hits !
The only quibble, for me, is that line 2 seems a bit dead, cumbersome – a long unrhythmic line in a poem that has such a strong taut exuberant rhythm as one of its most striking features. Simply “waiting for the laundry /to arrive” might be better…..?
It’s a good poem.
thanks for taking the time to comment John – yes I see what you mean about line 2 – thanks again
Wow yes, the end certainly packs a punch. Great poem, Sarah.
I agree with John about line 2 but have nothing useful to say other than Great Poem!