The tears of St Lawrence

I welcome criticism – and I might need to explain – in August there is a meteor shower called Perseids and it is sometimes called “the tears of St Lawrence” – he was roasted to death by a Roman emperor and he is also the patron saint of librarians

lurking in the library
are black marks on faded paper
ready to collide
to tell a tale
from an ancient time of miracles and emperors
come derring-do’s
healing by touch
killing by dictate

in my head
too many black marks merge
into a deep pit of questions
which no gold or silver will ever illuminate
burning at night
dying at dawn

Written by: Sarah Dolan

3 responses

  1. Hi Sarah… I really like the idea for this. I think I prefer the second stanza to the first, especially the questions ‘burning at night / dying at dawn’, that’s such a great way of describing exactly what happens and makes me think ‘Yes! why didn’t I think of that.’

    I couldn’t quite see the image suggested in lines 3 and 6 but I think that was because I’d been influenced by the explanation. Colliding didn’t seem to fit with either words or stars, although that could be my planetary ignorance. And questions arose re the ‘miracles’ and ‘healing’ which weren’t answered in the epigraph or poem. ‘Killing by dictate’ was explained in the epigraph but without it maybe a reader would be mystified.

    I feel as though this critique is perhaps too harsh because as I said at the beginning I really like the idea of the poem, and the second stanza is super. I think it is up to you as poet whether the explanation is used as an epigraph or footnote, or whether it can be incorporated into the poem. There are so many things to cover, maybe the poem needs to be longer?

  2. I am so grateful for your feedback Robbie. I think perhaps I have picked the wrong form for this poem. There is something that Dee introduced me to (and I can’t remember its name) which would probably be more apt. It is a piece of prose which finishes with a short poem. I think that would work much better. Thanks again.

  3. Without the explanation, I’d have thought ‘wow, what a thought provoking poem’ and wondered just what the black marks were and the questions the poet had. But with the explanation I thought ‘wow, what a great subject for a poem’ and I expected a bit more about the tears of St Lawrence and his roasting, and librarians!
    I especially like ‘ready to collide to tell a tale’ and ‘burning at night, dying at dawn.’

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