When You Look…

I’d like some feedback PLEASE on the following:

 

When You Look at Something

after Robert Graves

We didn’t believe it at first.
Even Max thought it was
a temporary sticking plaster.
How wrong we were.

Was it a little thing, then?

It was like turning a key, really.
The floodgates opened
and it changed everything,
explained so much.

I hear that Albert didn’t like it.

Well, that was later when a particle
could also be a wave.
We couldn’t say until we looked.
Einstein wanted the world
out there, independent.

That sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?

Yes, but at the level of atoms,
when you look at something
you change it.
It can’t be helped.

That sounds dodgy – a bit GCHQ.

Yes, literally. Most electronics
needs the quantum,
not everyday common sense.
It works, so the attitude is:
‘Shut up and calculate’.

Isn’t that a bit dangerous?
What about the H-Bomb?

I was coming to that.

 

 

 

Written by: Martin

5 responses

  1. Hi Martin
    This works really well… I especially like the last line. I’ll look at it closer tomorrow but at the moment all I can say is – it’s great!

  2. I like the idea of this Martin – not enough poets use the sciences as a vehicle for their poetry, which is daft given the nature of the world we live in. Maybe it goes back to C P Snow’s two cultures talk in the 50s. Sadly I don’t think we have moved on much since then. I can see how you’ve followed the pattern of the Graves poem, but I’m not sure you need to add the epigraph because your poem is miles from his, despite nicking the last line, which in all honesty you could have written yourself anyway, it not being that remarkable in its language.

    BTW I’ve edited your poem to remove the double line spacing – I’ve just posted a message in the Help page about this.

    1. Thanks Keith. I suppose I feel that there should be some gesture in the direction of Graves. Perhaps if I get ‘incident’ into the title?
      Also, in the Graves poem there is increasing frustration with the Welsh narrator and perhaps my piece needs some of that re quantum theory!

  3. Hmmmmmmm well it was originally called ‘The Railway Carriage’, does that help? Actually I agree with Keith. Apart from aspects of the form, and the last line, there’s almost nothing else that links with Graves’ poem. In fact I think the reference distracts and detracts from yours. Perhaps the darling to be murdered here is the connection?

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