Family home
Here’s the National Trust guidebook
bought on my day out at Erddig.
Look how this great country house
has been preserved
as it was over a century ago.
Grand rooms, but also
kitchens, laundries, workshops,
stabling and gardens.
The whole place overflowing
with original furniture and effects
from the State Bed
to the two-man sawpit,
not forgetting that white teddy bear
dressed as Philip Yorke III.
You can’t help sense the presence
of generations of the Yorke family,
their servants and estate workers.
And here’s a photo
of the rather more modest house
where I was brought up
along with my brothers,
which was sold
after we all flew the nest.
My last surviving brother and I
recently returned there
for the first time in years.
That’s us standing arm in arm
between those sandstone gateposts
engraved with the name
of our old home.
That nasty front porch
has been added since our day.
We are glad we couldn’t see
the alterations no doubt made inside.
I like the weighing-up between one house and the other. I can’t help feeling that the three-line stanza is unnecessary. And that two stanzas would balance each other better, perhaps join the nasty front porch stanza to the previous one? (I like the nasty front porch – great use of the word ‘nasty’).
Ahem. Do you need the final three lines? Isn’t what they’re saying implicit?
I’ve been struggling with this poem for over a week – I have already altered it a lot while it has been on the website, thanks to the handy “edit” function. Your comments have prodded me into further action! I’m going to keep the 3 line stanza, but join it to the 1st stanza. I will ditch the last 3 lines and join the rest of the last stanza to the one before. I like your point about having just 2 stanzas to reflect the contrast between the 2 family homes – and both stanzas will now have 17 lines.
By the way, how about my double whammy? Your prompt and Erddig in a single poem!
as always – CONGRATULATIONS – rising to the challenge – it is great to read postings – for me, this is one of those poems which is bubbling away and calling to be let out and it will escape and make it to paper and later on, perhaps much later, it will reappear (because you cannot keep it locked away forever) but in its new format will be much better than you ever thought it could be – for me, poems that are true shine through – I wouldn’t fight this one as it will cook itself if you leave it long enough and all the flavour will be stronger than you ever imagined – some just go mouldy when left to their own devices – others ferment … I agree with Robbie “nasty” is such a powerful word as you can squeeze your nose up when you say it (without spitting which is always good in these days of health and safety)